It's 2024 - why all the "must be negative" demands?

[Guest toxicgun]

I get that few men want to contract HIV but given the strides made in antivirals and pRep, ask yourself are you allowing fear to control you?   Probably.

I assume everyone has heard "You're safer with a undetectable poz guy who discloses their status,  versus someone who doesn't get tested and doesn't know their status."  

Being positive now for nearly 33 years,  I do have a pet peeve of educating yourself well on this subject, because 1) I'm weary of being shunned because I'm not "clean" and 2) the serostatus you save may be your own.

THOUGHTFUL replies welcome; emotionally ignorant responses will be deleted.  

[Armin74]

Hi toxicgun,

I hope I can also learn a bit more of your experience with HIV and if it gave you difficulties to have sexual encounters.

When I got sexually active with men, it was still the period of promoting condoms to prevent AIDS, they did not even use the term HIV, so that was what I did, I was top and fucked always with condom. After about 8 years I became a bottom, and also then, it was always with condom.

After about 10 years being a bottom and having safe sex for 18 years, it got the feeling of condom fatigue, so I was having the most passionate sex and when the guy asked me if he could fuck me I said yes, but with condom, so he went for a condom, but when he opened it, put it on, all the horniness was gone, not only for me, also for the other guy.

It was not a one-time occurrence, time after time, when I was ready to get fucked and the condom appeared, the horniness was already gone before the condom was put on.

That was the moment I stopped enjoying sex, I avoided top guys because I did not want to be disappointed anymore in bed.

Untill 1 year later, I went to a bath house just for having oral sex, but I've met a gorgeous guy and ended up in a cabin. We were French kissing and then I felt how he was feeling between my legs, to find out if I was fuckable...I did realize he wanted to fuck me, and I also realised there were no condoms in the cabin...

I've opened the little brown bottle and sniffed a lot because I really wanted to experience this with him.

And so we did, it was my first bare sex with a stranger and I felt living again.

Sometimes I'm a bit jealous, not because men have HIV/are undetectable, but because they always enjoyed sex the intense and pure way. However, I guess this depends of the person individually and how they deal with it.

I'm on PrEP for about 5 years now, so even bare sex is for me equal to safe sex, and I never ask about the status of my sex partner.

Sorry for the long reply, but I hope it gives you also the insight that the feeling can change from fear to re-alive.

Regards